It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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