THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
