i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
