last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
