Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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