fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
