I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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