DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
