just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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