I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think your dad took our porno
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
