Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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