I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
