So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
