i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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