I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
