Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize