She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dick very happy bro
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
