I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
