Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
