i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize