i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
