I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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