I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
