i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
