By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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