I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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