Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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