He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
