i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize