I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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