so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
