I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
