Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
