question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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