I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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