Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
