u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
