I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
