My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
