she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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