fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
