Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
