Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
