farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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