i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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