Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
