sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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