you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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