I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
