in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize