my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
