1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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