i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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