A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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