I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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