btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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