This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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