Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
