do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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