I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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