why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
