one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize