my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
