I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
