Pappa wants mamma naked
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
