sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
