is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
