Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
