i need an iv and a liver transplant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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