That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize