Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
oh god the rape fog is back!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
