After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
