honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
