did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
