in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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