Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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