you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
