can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need water and some morals
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
