sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i think my cat just said my name.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
