My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
