i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
