If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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