I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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