im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
