Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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