yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
