so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're using joints as your birthday candles
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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