Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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