I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
