u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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