You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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