I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I could make wine with my vomit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I party with great urgency now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
