very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
