if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
